twenty two

Twenty Two

22.1

Billy the junkie is pushing people out the windows of the flop house he is shouting fire and grabbing people by the napes of their necks and tossing them to their deaths bright red and green death on the front lawns of society Billy the junkie is checking the pockets of the dead for some spare change it took me a while to get here but now I am here I am asking everyone for directions but no one knows the way everyone is lost billy the junkie says the sky never changes but I have seen nothing but change there are no solid things in this universe everything is a liquid and pop bottle allen is breathing in the laughing gas and telling billy the junkie to call him daddy I am questioning their faith in the power of words I accuse them of heresy of pretending to be a believer Nasty Jack is a wolf in sheep’s clothing he looks innocent enough but he will rip your throat out if given half a chance they are all muttering addicts trying to sell the morning paper to passing businessmen nasty jack flashes his insides to the ladies that walk by most run past nasty jack screaming in terror at the mere sight of him pop bottle allen is spinning webs of deceit and heartbreak for the street washers and the garbage collectors he tells them stories of when he traveled to the dark side of the moon the adventures of a modern Prometheus working for the dollar billy the junkie has on green eye shadow he had just put a way his dress but forgot to wash his face he is working the press in the back room of the laundry mat the boys are rolling nickels against the wall on the wall hangs a magic lantern

22.2

a gun barrel tucked in his pants and the belief of revolution billy the junkie is wiping his mouth on his sleeve and adjusting his crotch as Ivy puts her load of clothes into the machine three little kids are playing on the dirty floor with an empty detergent box Ivy is not paying attention to the kids she is watching nasty jack bend reality his pants are open and a corpse is hanging from his fly Ivy thinks of thighs slapping and her ass checks jumping up as they bounce on the bed there is always time for idiot pleasure even in a busy housewife’s world a hose to wash her down before she packs up the station wagon and goes home to make supper for her abusive husband idiot smiles and more amber flesh ruptured spines tarot cards and Mickey mouse cartoons anther pack of cigarettes a bottle of five star whiskey an old tattoo of a cross the picture of jesus is tilted and the beads have all worn thin Ivy is naked and sullen pop bottle allen dropped his rusty black pants darting around the room for scraps soiled linen a special breed a vegetable body and his cock down her throat Ivy gurgles you are my boat her knees up to her chin a jelly donut a white striped t-shirt pubic hairs stale underwear pop bottle allen’s eyes pop out scar tissue open room the evil odors in the garbage can a shivering world sucked by three days work ejaculated and Ivy started rubbing billy the junky looking for the magic genie warring powers sacred cow she vowed to do her washing here every Saturday afternoon if the boys be willing and able to spurt out an irrigation ditch like hers shadows in the attic the cops banging on the door Tap is trying to hide the reefer Ivy smiles at the cocks hidden gallows twisting her over on her stomach down on the bed nasty jack found a piece of rope and tied back her hands Ivy lay there gasping and sucking in air billy the junky saddled her body billy rubbed the spit on his cock he placed his hands on Ivy pulled her apart he spit a little bit on her as he pulled her body up onto his cock Ivy gasped and moved with it soon she was kicking and screaming in spasms with slow pleasure along with the other charismatic intellectuals Ivy had a theory about sex and she was going to publish in a three volume study these boys were here willing subjects she had them sign wavers of liability before she injected them with her experimental drugs the boys ran away from home many years ago they survive on trust funds that their mommies had set up for them in order to receive their money they have to show up for Christmas dinner every year the rest of the year they can pretend to be social misfits and a menace to society

22.3

yet they never walk out onto the wire without a safety net Lee came back from Iraq with a big hole in the side of his leg he was driving a truck of tanks parts from point a to pint b when his truck blew up an initiated member of a status group it is linked to the way knowledge may be transmitted through writing we occupy the streets because of the polar bears who they are moving so they can drill for oil in Alaska we occupy the streets because one percent of the American population owns 99 percent of the wealth David the bell weather is stepping out onto the ledge the wind whips around his 400 dollar shoes his rolex is glistening in the sun he is tired of teaching history to students who don’t care about history he doesn’t understand their apathy David thinks history is the greatest thing in the whole world he doesn’t understand why people don’t join him in his enthusiasm he tells his students that if they can’t be great then they should follow someone who is great he doesn’t understand why they don’t consider him to be great he takes solace in the thoughts of physician heal thyself he imagines himself hanging from his own personal cross and his students below at his feet weeping over him nasty jack tell david the bell weather to get a grip holographic evocations limpid apostasy pop bottle allen is grilling some kind of cow meat on the hibachi comparing obvious images to subtle meanings david the bell weather is smoking a cigar he is wearing a wife beater shirt and secretly is spying on Ivy as she pulls the weeds out of her flowers david does not have the equipment to deal with the obvious he asks Ivy if she remembers how much she loved the ocean Ivy tells david that she prefers to look at him when he is at rest and not running around as usual billy the junky is playing wiffle ball with the kids they are pretending that billy is the waffle ball and hit him with the plastic yellow bat david secretly kisses Ivy’s picture that he got from her in high school he keeps it in a metal lock box he doesn’t have much imagination jazz liberty and domestic pride the margarita glow sin crime madness too many scars they are held together by a thin layer of glue breaking into tiny little pieces that get lost under the appliances in the cracks of the tile I once saw a piece of you bounce down several flights of stairs henry is having a drink with bob the transvestite henry is working on his American lowlife persona he has been on a ten year drunk he is turning his insides into plastic trinkets to sell on the road side his guts turned into smiling little Buddhas he was getting 12 bucks a piece he thought he would have an unlimited supply of intestines 300 miles when you stretch them end to end

22.4

henry is working on his emptiness that little piece of the abyss that is inside of all of us henry pulls it out and sets on the bar he feeds it some peanuts and pours a little beer down its throat he likes to keep his emptiness satisfied with the basic needs of life his emptiness doesn’t need these things but it makes henry feel good inside so he keeps doing it a ritual of sorts between henry and his emptiness I finished reading david the bell weather’s latest book it was about the history of opposites he promoted a logocentric view of the world and broken everything into two opposing parts there is Apollo and Dionysius there is comedy and tragedy there is war and peace there is love and hate there is pain and joy we are watching andre the giant wrestle rain drops December in Mumbai dolby digital sound mayo brando a world map Ivy has been constructed from a single source we built her in the back of pop bottle allens garage he had all of the power tools and billy the junky had the knowledge he used to work for NASA before he fell in love with heroin she engenders multiple meanings shared presuppositions  her meanings are not permanently embedding her we gave her the capacity to learn and to reshape her mental constructs she has the capacity to carry meaning from one person to another she continues to generate meanings every day all day long this thing we are doing is outsider art we need to make connections with the visual world of outsider art there are a wide variety of interpretations bolting the pieces together nasty jack put in all the necessary welds we polished her and gave her blinking lights the meanings associated with Ivy are fabrications woven from the symbolic capacities of her identity and from the perceptual apparatus of those who experience her she means many different things to all of us we each experience her differently problems arise between us because we think everyone else interprets Ivy the same way we do our different interpretations cause conflict we make and remake her each time we touch her she is woven from the warp of our hands and the woof of our hearts she is an indicator of something else a system of stratification a set of shared values through our fortifications with Ivy we create meaning brittle and sensitive to the outside world we each have a distinctive way of seeing but how we see falls into specific categories based on our biographies and psychologies she is constructed by the group’s historical experience she does not exist outside of our experience when we are gone she shuts off she powers down nasty jack needs to exert some control by holding one side of the relationship constant while allowing the other to vary

22.5

the demographics of the average American reader is educated affluent white relatively youthful and female billy the junky breaks in and steals he takes everything he can carry with his dirty grubby fingers he breaks more than he takes out of spite and anger he gathers your words in a pile on the floor and burns them he is afraid of them how they can make him feel he doesn’t want to feel anymore your words have poisoned him sent him to his own eternal hell chained to oblivion up out of his throat the abyss pours out of him he is rambling in nonsensical sentences but you can see the magic in the madness you connect the dots and find the hidden meanings out of his evil you construct a new world a new beginning a life without lies the prime directive we have been living in the castle that she calls her skin fleeing a different pursuer the tragic predominates of the comic setting a horizon of expectations Mr. Gnits shows up with a basket of flowers for Ivy he starts to sing her a love song from the old days before we had robots Ivy is unfamiliar with the social convention she looks perplexed Trumper thinks Ivy has the power to heal the power to heal a decadent nation Trumper sits at Ivy’s feet and watches her every facial expression as she teaches him the so many things she knows Trumper sings for Ivy a song that is only in his heart he says that he inherited this song from religion when he was a little boy he would go to church with his momma and listen to the words of the preacher not too surprisingly Trumper listens now to the words of Ivy Trumper says Ivy is beautiful and that she should be worshiped by everyone Swampy pete makes a comment that Trumper might have his wires crossed Trumper doesn’t get swampy pete’s joke Trumper says that Ivy is divine inspiration Swampy pete suggests that Ivy raises her head wherever religion declines Ivy gave new form to the life of feeling nasty jack has been changing her transistors with vacuum tubes he says it gives her a much warmer personality Trumper hates it when anyone tinkers with Ivy’s circuits the compartments of her triangle moves slowly upward toward the apex Trumper is singing words that he doesn’t know an Italian aria from Mozart David the bell weather says that Trumper sounds just like justin bibber David the bell weather always comes to us compressed Ivy was the first to notice this there is a volcanic madness to his methods he ties strings around the room and attaches bells to the strings Trumper gets up to go to the bathroom and trips over one of these strings and causes a great ruckus opening the mouth of murder everyone claps and shouts at Trumper and he vows revenge against david the bell weather

22.6

invented skin that has worn too thin Cipher comes in and asks who he has to pay he wants to know who owns Ivy nasty jack tells cipher that he pop bottle allen and billy the junky all own Ivy cipher asks how much it would cost for him to have sex with Ivy the boys figure out a price and tell cipher how much Trumper is troubled by this talk of sex and commerce he wants to steal Ivy away from the boys someday Swampy pete has an apocalyptic vision he comes out hard and punching and then pop bottle allen asks where does this thing go where does it take us how will we know when we are there amid the noises of cipher’s kisses and in the shadow of that great big sign it blinks howdy to the naïve and the promising we have something for you to grab to make your place on this piece of earth to be used and abused and taken advantage of by vultures and preachers and used car salesmen by truck drivers looking for a fix Trumper was all balls when he had a hit inside of him the boys are dinning with the agents of fortune they are interested in the experiment what is the precise mixture of torture and pain and what kinds of drugs were administered Agent smith is taking pictures of everything the lab the bedrooms the kitchen and the hall that leads to the bathroom pop bottle allen tells the agents to wait until midnight when the rock bands come out of their mouths Agent smith is playing with a root of intolerance he is reminding the root of prior fits merciless beauty singing of the fair maiden a western wind a dry and hot wind a wake dirge to Ivy our faithful Mistress the three ravens the two harpies as you came for the holy land weep no more sad fountains weep only for the trident and the spear the lullaby the hunt the Joshua light show alchemical transcripts six martinis and Ivy her vagina was waterproof they had sealed it with some special polymer that nasty jack was getting copyrighted I went to the five spot to hear swampy pete speak he was expounding on his theories of American morality how our sense of right and wrong are shaped b corporate America chasing you through the supermarket as you buy the milk the bread and the cheese she was never a lost little girl with her Montana t-shirt and gogo boots she stand outside next to a tree waiting for the bus she is reading Sylvia plath the care of veins we lost it just outside of Wichita there still are echoes behind her head she crosses herself before the doorway names we conjured to forget about our desperate days a cheap plastic lighter we shot out the windows of belief with a twelve gauge shotgun we screw the head on tight the gaskets and the seals tap is playing with a chick of silly putty Trumper is drawing pictures of eggs Cipher is wiping the pussy off of his cock the boys are counting their money Swampy pete says that sex with Ivy can best be described as enchantment transmitting messages three headed babies a felony warrant watching the parade catching all the heart beats sleeping soundly we danced to the music of cheerleaders’ voices people with a disorder severe anxiety I looked at her picture I wasn’t sure that it was her hard to live a normal life she is recommending that you stop taking your meds it amplifies to the nth level we are all beautiful birds

22.7

Ivy conjoins the plane of immediate human experience with a desirable state of being she wards of evil with amulets and fertility can be enhanced by a suitable prayer a sense of impotence is often alleviated by a trip to the mall she loses herself to symbolic acts following a particular order that is accessible and manipulated by human beings of course Ivy is not human but she forgets who or what she is and she gets lost in the chaos of our culture and superstitions Swampy pete tells us that Ivy is touching the heart of the world she is more human that we are in many ways I am sitting in my ideological chair and from here I view all things differently bertha is posing in her tights she has drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other Captain marc is sketching her I am making hotel reservations over the phone we own all the necessary equipment bertha puts the cigarette in my mouth and picks up the puppy she smiles like a tiger bertha is whispering something into my ear but I can’t quite make it out Captain marc is painting owls with knives each one a different color soup cans coke bottles zebras and frogs captain marc is for sale there is a skull on top of his head sitting with his banana bulls guns and nuns a Nazi who sings the blues his hands folded in prayer particulars were eliminated until only a subject’s generic universal qualities remained nanuk of the north thinks that we are in the final dispensation he keeps saying may the kingdom come may our hands not be idle of a darker vision the will as the basis of all suffering snapping the bones nanuk of the north chuckles all existence groans and the only redemption is to recognize the true nature of things Ivy exposes the eternal form that underlies all appearances the idea in the striving swampy pete is devoting the whole power of his mind to perception he is sinking himself completely into consciousness he loses himself entirely in this process he vanishes and we cannot find him Trumper think he has turned himself into a tree or a rock direct access to the primordial will strapping on his helmet he goes outside to brave the falling bombs almost halfway to the park a flux of force and energy subjective feeling and objective realities the problem is with the multiplicity of objectivities we cannot glimpse into all the possible worlds I find that my studies of postmodernism is leading back to Nietzsche the romantic fusion of the soul with nature the first few steps outside your door it is the late seventies on the eastside of Waterloo my front steps are sinking into the ground someone is cranking ted nugent out their bedroom window wang dang

22.8

I have an organ for nature I fine grasp on the obvious there is in the strictest sense no duality in the world to experience and feel oneself in another that presence that we can sense inside of Ivy is the presence of ourselves she is our otherness offering comfort to our primitive minds the enjoyment of self projected into Ivy orgasmic forms betty boop was the lady who slipped away she was gone and then she was back and then she was gone again like the breath that escapes through my lips the wall outside says life is beautiful I'm watching you absorb the sun I'm your summer shadow your tricky walk and empty pockets I look up at your ceiling a human auction someone is sticking their head out 72 virgins in heaven it was a side trip you don't want to know the truth it escapes you running down the street you are frightened thinking it will never come back alone forever just you and your thoughts trapped inside you never getting out you want to run but you can't you stand there in the darkness alone totally alone wanting to be more than you are is it possible to break free to become someone else 5 dollars a pound Orwellian fedora turns me old and fallen I drop and roll a bygone days of remembering I know how to work it your boyfriend was curious I think I made him afraid I'm not here to steal your body I already have that I want your soul a commercial with a little dark haired girl  I think it was an infomercial about the emotional thunderstorms god does love her look and see the magic that surrounds her more self-centered apathy we buy in gallons and throw a great big party for all our narcissists a good drug a plastic man with a handful of push and pull it was an omen a warning of the certain outcome the blue rider so lost and spiritually helpless primitive ornament rhythmic configurations whose curvaceous rolling forms merge fusing figure and ground the organic rhythm of all things you place your glow in the dark jesus on your dashboard and drive with impunity violently dismantled the animal anthropomorphic appropriation see things as they really are and not filtered through the prism of human knowledge we corrupt everything out of an inner compulsion I have increasingly come to recognize the ugliness and impurity of nature we reject the idea of the seen as being the only thing of value it Is the hidden and the unknown which we seek and which our hearts long after we are against the positivists building blocks of truth and reality carried to the grave in a small coffin the secret and abstract conceptions of the inner life that is where the vision is the greatest this is the mountain top from with the lords and ladies of karma descend we destroy to reveal the power that is behind all beautiful appearances we seek beneath the veil of appearances I want you to share with us your inner life the secret you that you keep hidden behind your masks take your mask off and show us the real you the person you are without your defenses putt your guns away there is no need to shoot anyone here we will not stab you in the back when you turn around show us this true thing that is left when all appearances have been removed

22.9

free yourself from human purposes and human will show us the beauty that is inside you withdraw from the prejudices of human perception you have placed so much trust in your ability to see but it is this ability that deceives you your eyes do not see the truth and your mind cannot understand because you have been trained into ignorance we have all been trained to be sheep for the slaughter become a wolf like me break away from the flock see the world with new eyes and a new mind see this world through the eyes of the spirit not the eyes clouded over by religion but by the true being that dwells inside of you religion is a human creation the spirit is eternal and cannot be explained by mere worlds it is an absolute essence that live behind the world that we see gazing through the permanent battlefield of the world I do not know a sun and an earth but I have an eye that sees a sun and an earth I experience them both through my senses if I ceased to feel than the sun and the earth would no longer exist for me likewise you exist for me tonya through my senses you are real to me because I can touch you and taste you and feel you and see you a response to my senses I experience you through my senses if I touched you and I could not feel you than my experience of you has grown smaller I have become less human because I could not feel you everything is object in relation to the subject you have no essence tonya independent of mental perception if I stopped thinking about you then you would vanish you would evaporate tonya thinks this is funny she asks me to stop thinking of her I do and she disappears

22.10

you know all things and are known by none your existence on this earth is a manifestation of will our purposes have been entwined in so many ways shapes and forms you exist only for me and no other your body is objective but I experience your through my subjective senses we are whole and undivided in every aspect you are my object and I am yours a borrowed phantasm our eyes have been closed by deception the veil of maya obsessed with death a tragic gift of this life of suffering ten more sufferings leap up into existence portlandia tribal tattoos saving the planet dissected angular forms my rifle my licorice my heroine the mongoose is loose in the chicken coop a bloody clatter of crows see me and jazz hook mother Lincoln pangs often a great big panda stares searching often for the flowers the work flow orders apple magazine magpie alert mockingbird bluebird lemon yellow gusto pancho rufus Sherwood gangplank esquire listen to the ivy bells zapata’s guns atilla hush peyote eagle claw praying mantis another nimble archer kills the evening light it was a grand slam for lucky alehouse nimrod showed the most team spirit there was an urban fury red bean keyhole and the purple warrior little witch ripper and moolah barrel roll flaming dart game warden beacon star beaver cage deckhouse five up in the fortress homecoming Pegasus linebacker rolling thunder tailwind surprise megaphone quadrant kinetic echo bright star abacus garden plot high jump dear Prudence mocha panzer avalanche you dance around my reality naked compress the nebulous space fractured geometry contours disintegrate a shrunken head oscillates the struggle to gaze into the sun the imitation of reality

22.11

Prudence imitates those around her she is such a good actress violent revelation her goal is to manifest an unearthly being that lives behind everything thus her goal is to break the mirror of life so that we may gaze into being the destruction of the present order as the birth of something new Prudence is Mary she is Isis the mother of us all nightly she acts out her motherhood on the stage she labors and gives birth we watch her transform pain into joy struggle into accomplishment the aftermath of innumerable deep-rooted errors she has a direct view into the essence of the world she projects an altered form of reality to entertain and bewitch to make us lose ourselves in the moment she has a secret understanding Franz Marc believed in the existence of natural laws that governed appearances is there a law that governs appearances is this just enlightenment thinking is there such things as natural laws I am not sure I accept this I would think that our ideas of natural laws are filtered through our perceptions and likely to be errors what we think is a natural law could be an example of our failure to understand

22.12

Prudence digs into herself and seeks what lives inside her that which represents the rhythm of her blood she proposes an articulate cosmos with a million confused messages her words inhabit the world she paints her walls she likes the sun she wants to take the fight outside the red light flashing a common old shoe everyone loves her pieces are falling away drinking her vodka and cranberry amazed by the blind struggle she admires my scorn for the brevity of life an echo in eternity emancipated by dance my pain and her joy is interwoven there is nothing more serious than love the all important illusion thrust upon our eyes striving for utility a joy unto itself a frenzy of claws she wants to wash my windows she says they are too dirty to let in the light the weak and strong trusting fear rather than faith it seems the most real not forwards and not backwards worthy of her gaze she inhabits the world my world there is nothing outside of her words suspended in webs of significance her words regulate and control my experiences and my experiences control my actions thus through her words she control s my actions she runs fast and far into the darkness her flashlight is attached to her belt she is running on memory because she has been here so many times before she runs on through the darkness to the other side our lives are an image that hides the truth we cannot know the truth because we have been convinced to only see the artificial the power of a lie to be represented as the truth and the biggest lie that truth exists at all just like the devil the biggest lie is his existence twelve hands holding you down on the stretcher the doctor is asking if you had taken any drugs we can hear you screaming out in the waiting room

22.13

Tonya is smelling the wooden poppies and Humbert is looking for a new persona in the waiting room he is trying the people in the room he touching each person’s karma humbert is looking for a new angel someone he can call sweetheart he has his calculator out and is calculating the odds a new twelve year old would be nice but has settle on a 14 year old in catholic school girl skirt he smiles at her and says hello my beauty could I buy you a candy bar he always bribes his victims as he jungles the change in his pocket he cannot hide his lovers stare his is twitching just a little bit humbert is filled with forbidden desire her name is Nancy but he calls her Lolita nancy wants to be a good girl and she wants to make humbert happy she doesn’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings she knows that this is wrong but humbert convinces her that it is ok that she is special and needs to be appreciated by a more mature love humbert wants to create his own little utopian society a world where only he and nancy exist a world made up of his great imagination

22.14

Herman and Kafka are discussing the conception of culture as a set of myths Herman says that it mythologies that help make life meaningful he says that it doesn’t matter if they are true or not but that they serve a purpose they are a means to an end Kafka says that myths are unnecessary that humanity would be better served by remove all myths from our culture myths only serve to disable the mind and to cripple the intellect he suggest that we must free ourselves from all lies Kafka says that we should stop lying to children telling them to behave or some monster will snatch them out of their beds at night and eat them his thirst increases as he contemplates the white whale and how the world lives from hand to mouth Herman is lighting his pipe and ordering a drink from the bartender Herman is in love with all his fictional characters he makes love to them in his dreams as his mistress sleeps next to him Herman left his second wife three years ago he killed his first wife with a steak knife stabbed her 37 times because she was sleeping with another man Herman’s mistress is an actress she performs nightly on the stage she makes the world go around and around like a merry-go-round Herman for once feels truly alive he is the object of his own subjectivity when he is with his mistress he escapes his body and flying up not the clouds he looks down on his body making love to Prudence He once feel in love with two sisters they were art aficionados they would take him to art galleries and museums all over the world they taught Herman how to appreciate abstractions they taught him how to live with uncertainty they taught him how to appreciate the mythologies of life Herman used to make love to them at the same time he told Kafka that it was like living in a fantasy world filled with only beauty the ugliness of life never touched them they drank champagne everyday and lived on for conspicuous consumption but there was something that hide deep down in the back of his darkness this small little voice that said to him that everything is not as it appears this voice told him not to trust in appearances that he was only fooling himself that soon everything would change and be destroyed So Herman continued his life of frivolity with his two concubines and tried as best as he could to push that little evil voice further down into his subconscious hoping that it would die a lonely death Kafka asks herman as there is a pause in their conversation since herman is reflecting on the past kafka ask herman if he has ever been in the winner’s circle herman is taken aback by the question he doesn’t know what it is that kafka is asking him herman asks kafka what does he mean by asking such a question and kafka just smiles Herman thinks for a moment and responds that no he has never been to the winner’s circle but that he has been to the magic gate herman tells kafka that it was at the magic gate that he first met the black troll that was back when we were both much braver men

22.15

Funny fuck picture no more hidden agendas zealot a huge stone in my heart wandering around oblivion in a circle a stain that nature pressed upon your skin before you were born it is not a job or a calling it is a stigmata a curse something like wandering the earth searching for a meaning that doesn’t exist even though countless fools tell you over and over again that there is nothing to find you keep searching looking under every rock under every garbage pile thinking that the next thing you discover is it and writing it all down the people the places the thoughts in your moldy head thinking that it all adds up to something well buddy it doesn’t mean fuck nothing adds up to anything it all gets real strange when you boil it down to its basic elements there is sex and love everything in between is just bullshit we either fuck or make love there is nothing in between the direction of the missiles means nothing the circumference of your head means nothing just blowing more smoke up our asses your dime store savior complex means nothing you can’t save anyone you are not dying for my sins we will never become one through forgiveness I see you peeking out your window you are wearing an eye patch over your left eye we talk all the time but never really say anything your pussy looks so huge from down here I imagine that it is winking at me you want what I have you say you need me your pussy soaks up all the light in the room I become the darkness feeling for your warmth the touch of another human I am jealous of your light how you can suck it all in and hold it for so long I count the seconds away amazed at your capacity

22.16

A room full of sadness and the howls of the night Bonnie is slicing her arms a red patchwork of cuts there is a gunslinger in the corner spinning his spurs and picking his teeth with an ace of diamonds Billy the junky is sweeping the barn getting ready for the big barn dance tonight Swampy Pete is practicing his yodeling he was the state champion three years in a row in high school Nasty Jack is sleeping off a big drunk and dreaming of the big muddy Tap can’t wait to cut loose he has been saving up all week just for tonight Tap says he has painted enough sunsets to last a lifetime Pop Bottle Allen is ascending the mountain looking for flowers of the wild persuasion to give to Ivy he wants her to appreciate the finer things in life not just guns and violence Pop Bottle Allen is convinced that Nasty Jack has programmed Ivy to kill I am off to the burning bush to redeem my soul with a pair of castanets they are old but they still can produce a rhythm that Bonnie can dance to I enjoy watching bonnie dance as the blood trickles down her arms I am whittling a community of poets from some pine branches there are shavings all over the floor my knife is sharp and it glitters in the moonlight Natalie will dance to everyone’s tune it will only cost you a dollar I told Natalie that Swampy Pete sent me and she looked over my shoulder she wanted to see if the devil had my back she is all about connecting the dots I am sharing with her my ideas about words and the road if you ever need a number like that just ask Natalie asks if I have seen Bianca I told her that I haven’t seen Bianca since the fall of the Berlin Wall Natalie shows me her pussy I tell her it looks great it looks wonderful she is a smooth operator she wants to get to know me asks me to take a taste I tell her that she tastes so sweet she wants to make me soup from a can she adds a little water to make it spread thinner I prefer milk we escape the monsters with our bowls of soup we run like little children half screaming and half giggling we climbed up into the sky to get away from the monsters everyone knows that monsters are afraid of heights that is why I moved to a house on the top of the bluff we showed ourselves to be very graceful living on borrowed time to flicker and die like my zippo’s flame

22.17

You are driving bewilderment down the road it is a nice day outside but inside the car it is not there is this ominous sense of the hopeless extremes it exudes out of the leather seats of the car you try to avoid the potholes but to no avail pothole are like a tickertape parade you can hear the band playing inside of your head I watch your aura of befuddlement grow larger and larger it surrounds the total perimeter of the car you were volunteering for the national defense force you had been practicing your sharp shooting for months you were going to defend our country against enemies both domestic and foreign I asked you if you have found any clues and this contributed to the hopelessness you didn’t feel that you were ready to address contradictions in your belief system your beliefs had to be rock solid in order for you to go on with your commitments and my creation of cracks in the foundation of your beliefs was not helping you told me that I was cruel and unkind and maybe this was a sign from god you are always looking for signs from god but you missed the street sign for the national defense force recruiting station and we drove 30 miles out of our way you missed you appointment and I considered it a good day

22.18

Monotonous rotations her sugar plums lucid voices emanating hipster vermouth dancing jig snuck secret a back pocket cold the humors of alacrity dance hall parking tickets the odd looking bandleader waves his baton at my friend from Guatemala I’ve got a little music in my bones listening to the ding dong of love a car alarm inhaling the fumes she comes and inevitably goes sharing the body heat under lamplight glows stranger politics we upended the horse cart the street claims of all the colonels standing in the casting line to be a movie extra everyone thinks they are Johnny Depp or Robert De Niro I watched how you entered the room I took some notes on this dirty napkin next to my scribbling of Natalie’s boobs cantankerous as I pull you out of the gutter does anyone really understand another person is it really possible to understand the band started to cut loose and we danced like the homeless it was a calling a divine intervention I promise that I won’t hurt you and I promise that I will go real slow I learned this technique from Dr. Loophole I am running from the Washington monument the snipers are firing at my heels watching the band bang club I come to you wounded and torn seeking refuge in your arms pumping gas for a bottle of maker’s I got tired of the intro so I stopped doing it calling on the party line stick it in a camera producing a jackass unbelievable medium girls doing makeup I fell in love with the technology trying to make people laugh way back in there make sure you reach all the hard spots the fake bitches making out with retarded junkies you would raise your arms up in the air and say you are awesome losing your camera charger there are fish swimming around your head all stains god damned genuine she is troubled by my meat it is red and sore from too much use adding your headless doll in the church collection plate sliced and diced visions and persistent unwanted fate standing on a pile of garbage it took you ten years to collect humping a stuffed honey badger you are off the mainstream the showerhead loves you truth is what you speak tired of being beaten up I throw you out on the street you march around my block shouting hate slogans against me I’m waiting for the police and the local news crew

22.19

binding the giver of life dragged through the streets shouting heal yourself motherfucker show us how great you are as we peel back the skin to find the bells and whistles we want that cloaking device that you have used so often to hide yourself from us at first we considered you a friend a comrade in arms we thought you were one of us but now we know differently we know that you only came here to devour us to take what we have and burn down the rest your name is not Jesus it is Judas you lied to us and said you were here to save us from ourselves but actually you came here to betray us to feed us to the wolves rolling blood poison we have been put into the fix like heaven and dying maneuvering the cheap tricks the hoax of belief so ingrained into your soul heartbeat and wonder all of your expectations the caliber of Bonnie’s pessimism I would question you but I must question myself first you are filled with sullen expectations like a ghost’s last motion retraced these steps and discover where they go it is the journey Bonnie that means so much to you knocking down each and every door in the neighborhood calling out everyone to come into the street to bring their knives and their guns to create a blood bath stepping on the rights of the fallen angels marketing the oblivion and suffering into bite sized packets something you can place in the microwave and make just for one this is what we call progress she was an attractive woman and very pushy especially when she had a gun in her hand Bonnie was built on a foundation of pragmatism and this philosophy led her to believe that all things could be molded and shaped to fit her intentions all roads led through her back door she was the center of commerce a hub in ways still she would beg me to put her to bed tuck her in tightly to bed give her that old raggedy stuffed teddy bear and tell her a bed time story about love and heartbreak between a prince and a princess she said all her dreams of me were innocent making an irrational claim upon my life sinking her claws into me when I am asleep keep it in mind people that the fucking brutality is free all you have to do is reach out and touch somebody let them know that you are awake I met Jesus in a burning building he told me he cracked out of an egg that he is peaceful and that he won’t hurt us even though sometimes he does bad things he could almost kill a person I decided it was time to let Jesus go outside I told him to go back to his people one person said that it was a good idea to kill him so everybody did spilling the blood over everyone’s heads the people in power said that he was a bad man everything we do is shit it is one of those days that I want to destroy everything the plants in the winter are more dark making darker honey ten miles of dark plants I am not afraid of all of the shit people are coming over to my house sitting around my giant table each stitch is a message of positive reinforcement an object that you can touch a single thought or idea thought over and over again the power of the words are in the object the colors are randomly picked there is no pattern showing more personality and emotion a lump of suet pulling the logic out of my ass meeting the box office projections as I smoke a baby ruth chasing Godzilla up the stairs practicing my free will it is warm enough to run around barefooted chuckle chuckle heads rolling down the stairs fuck there goes my collection out the door and down the street it took me 12 years to gather them all up Bonnie is making her own strings of beads wearing a delicious hat with a nipple and stripes a very fine hat Bonnie wants me to go on the road with her to take our sex act on the road I dented her sternum and put graffiti on her ass we are smiling on a ledge Bonnie is blowing me kisses as I adjust her ropes can your read my signs can you speak my language of sleaze we are throwing pieces of stone at the bingo players those fucking bingo players make me mad yet her eyes freeze me in time

22.20

We are looking at steam punk art as I fuck you sideways and inside out I have strapped securely into the sex swing I ordered it from healthy and active online for only $69 I kiss you with murder on my breath I entice you with my tongue licking you all over your body all the soft parts and the hard parts and the parts your mother told you to hide from guys like me my tongue makes you scream pleading for your life you are a desperate animal I fuck you with spirit mind and body I have devoured your soul journeys airports passion the meaning of life allowed fulfill every idea inspirations urban cap fidgets dreams of lying to everyone facing offers chests house flying cross inching towards us a vision that won't die I see you mired in tiny circles sacred hills were we buried the painted young men they were steel struts white paint on steel depicted in the rock art ceremony of the spirits you lie about the touching these hearts an alien dramatic tragic hilarious cynical prevails desires provokes passing by moods would just make them heavy waiting for something bad to happen dripping head blending existence the questions you cannot resolve all those voices that say nothing at all they blather on infinity the dark day comes and removes your dignity you have lost that thing that makes you human you used to be one of us until you leaped off the edge you say you were pushed but we didn't find the evidence there were no fingerprints on your back except god's and god removed his fingertips how can we play in a game where the rules keep changing we watch your religion fade it becomes a tiny stain on your grandfather's shirt the one you wear in remembrance we have forgotten the howl of November ghosts driving like a vampire turning into Christopher Walken quoting from the abusive guys handbook lifting the love child tell me what you are thinking no alarm bells going off watching you sleep

22.21

Morph is an idiot he thinks he can speak on the behalf of others he presents himself as an average joe swilling up the alcohol and having average thoughts and dealing with the problems of the average morph just wants to be noticed so he has taken this middle of the road path as a means for resonating with the heart strings of others every time I see morph I want to kick him I want to push him down the steps I am tired of listening to assholes fuck it I am sick of all the bullshit fuck you morph and your silly ideas get in your magic Volvo and get the fuck out of here I am making my own style and making my own universe if you don’t want to follow then get the fuck out of my way I have no time for fools and idiots I’m putting morph on the greyhound bus I bought him a ticket so he can get away from the Swedish mafia they want to kill him for his lack of angst at the midnight shift at the hospital despite the fact that morph is a murder suspect they think he may have murder twelve girls they all were in love with the towns founder he would eat the teenagers under the bridge during his lunch break too high on the humidity morph says that the streets are abuzz with pussy there are always those people who have things to do red knife yellow knife someone’s agenda is always being met yellow cake uranium morph watches from behind the bushes drilling a hole in his head with a craftsman drill making out his schedule for the day he thinks he has turned invisible it is clear to him now that everyone hates him like pickled herring a hate that didn’t take too much coaxing everyone is getting in line to tell morph to fuck off and die the line is so very fucking long they are the right people for the job molly looks at morph and laughs like a hyena molly is juggling three bottles of beer a cigarette and a bottle opener her pack of lackeys are about to fall out of her back pocket molly says she can never find good help these days molly is hunched over morph’s strange hat she is trying to get a grasp on his strangeness the weasel comes in and takes shit on the floor morph just watches and sketches out the scene on a scrap of paper he picked up off the floor molly is married and has two children every time she talks to me it sounds like she wants a divorce morph loses track of the number of time that molly calls her husband a bastard molly grabs my hands and pulls them onto her breast as she starts to chew on my ear we are comparing our lists of things that need to get done molly needs to give me a blow job and I need to stick something long an cylindrical up her cunt something dirty and raw she bleeds when I shove it in too far how did we got off on the beaten path we are lost in the jungle I can only hear your scream above my breathing I had no intentions of showing her the way home she can find it for herself