The Bunker of Desperation
There is an immense desperation that takes over the heart when we stand next to the abyss and peer into its emptiness.
Next, I find myself in a bunker in the middle of some war. Which war it was, I was not sure. It really doesn’t matter, a war is a war. In every war, people’s lives are placed in the hands of fate. More times than not, a person’s fate is to experience the end of their life. This is true for those unfortunate souls who find it their duty to kill and die for some cause.
There were soldiers there, and they all were wearing gas masks. Bombs are exploding all around us. Each time a shell met with the earth, there was a loud horrific sound and dirt flying all over us. I could see the fear spread across their faces. Their faces said more than they could put into words. Their faces were a universe unto itself.
They were all young men, probably only in their teens. There was a naivete that oozed from the pores of their skin.
We found ourselves in the midst of something impossible. At the core lay something illogical, something twisted. There was an absence of any profound reasons, nothing we could put our finger on. A tempest raged around us. This was a place of consequences. They had been living among the razor blades, being cut by the slightest movement. They all had little cuts here and there and their uniforms were covered with blood stains. It was a reality of delirium. We were being taught a lesson of how small we are.
They were parts of a machine that once gave them a false sense of purpose. Now they saw that the machine itself was the reason for suffering. Their illusions of war had provided them with a sense of security. Their security was bashed in the head by the harsh and brutal reality of their existence. Their part in the machine was to die. They were the raw materials that were destroyed in order to make something else. Blindly they thought that this something else was peace. But, the machine does not want peace, it only wants war.
Their minds were introduced to the thoughts of the shadows. The objective mind was impossible in the midst of their situation. Their fear of death brought them to the inevitable conclusion. The limitations of their world showed them their true selves. They became willing to give up that which was so precious to them.
They were struck in the face by the absurdity of their existence. Absurdity was the only definition of their world that made any sense. Does this absurdity of life require blood? Does life only have meaning through death?
The origin of intense feeling is a ridiculous beginning. These soldiers were certainly in a ridiculous situation. They were trying to end the lives of some unknown enemy before the enemy ended their lives. Their anxiety was the source of everything.
Their feelings outlined the borders of their universe. They delineated a point which no one should venture past. Thus, they put a limit on their feelings because to go beyond would increase suffering. A person is defined by his or her feelings and the limits each places upon them.
Faced with the reality of their situation, they could no longer invest in a future. An unknown future stood before them and they were helpless in its grasp. They admitted to themselves that they stood at the threshold of time. A time that was running out for them. They were victims of time. They had been clothed in illusion, They prepared for a future they didn’t want to accept.
They were concerned about questions concerning their immortal soul. They attempted to face their reality without flinching. They faced the certainty of death without hope. They realized that the door of hope had been closed for them and they could not find the key to open it.
Some put their hopes in the existence of another reality. Hope they considered to be their greatest ally. Their hopes were reaching out to another world. A hope for a life beyond this life. A more valuable real world. They looked away from this life to a life that comes later. A life that is filled with happiness and eternal joy. They put their hope in an escape from their suffering. A reality where their suffering will no longer exist. They desired to live a life with only joy. This idea of joy is an illusion. A life without suffering is impossible.
Hope is an evil that has been let loose upon humanity. The machine feeds us hope so that we blindly do its bidding. The source of the solders’ hope is the machine. Hope is the reason they let themselves suffer. They suffer for a peace that they hope someday will exist.
Now they knew the truth. It was a truth that they could touch with their own hands. They discovered that life is full of suffering. Their calculations resulted in a conclusion of death. They previously had put their trust in life. This trust was their nourishment. Now they put their trust in suffering.They realized that their suffering would only end in death. All they had was the present and a future that they could not fully comprehend.