Friday, January 27, 2012

page 108

loved you and I said yes I reached into the car and pulled the guy out of the car by his throat it was not a powerful use of generalized fear it was a specific use of personal fear I reached in and made his fear personal there was a threat of more force implied by the action a good old fashioned ass beating should have ensued but then an angel spoke and my anger relented tonya was sitting in the passenger side of the car her neck exposed from romantic devastation I was ready to devour her to show her what you and I have to show the world forever skewed I wanted her to experience how I pushed down upon the spike of romanticism watching the inner light pour out of you how I have become elsewhere to mix the surreal with the sublime to bring back to harsh reality I have been accused of writing things to shock do I shock you is any of this really shocking haven’t we all been exposed to so much that nothing shocks us any more we have grown numb can you imagine Zelda impaled on a spike if you can is this my fault or yours did I make you see it or did you want to see it have you seen it many times before am I a causation or a remembrance can you see how Zelda impaled could represent love an extreme love a pure love there is an action and a reaction it just starts to talk to you the situation the moment like alight coming out of the darkness the beautiful process begins they all line up they find their place where they belong a whole bunch of different things happen to me and to you things just happen and we have no control over the process it just takes on a life of its own we just sit back and go for the ride we see where it takes us sometimes it’s enjoyable and sometimes it’s not many times there is a point where the reaction is to destroy this thing we have created you want to destroy it and get past it to move beyond the bullshit to move away from the phony and yet we find our freedom in the destruction there is a synchronicity between creation and destruction I guess these two forces make us like god because god both creates and destroys although possibly destruction outweighs his creations it seems like there is so much of this world and people’s dreams that are destroyed whether it is by a god or just random bad luck so you just start building on top of the thing that you just destroyed and you create something new something different something better it is like the creation need to be destroyed in order to grow in order to break out of the cocoon of the mediocre the prison of bondage another thing comes out of the destruction this is how we can get a glimpse of so much more we spend so much of our lives at the surface level and no one has clue about the deeper meaning the deeper person approving laughter washing over me a mix of innocence and corruption speaking of the devil as he hides under your bed frightened dust bunnies under there pull the covers up tight while I’m inserting batteries into your favorite toy obtuse lines of dialogue henry is paying for online porn with a credit card he stole from some drunk at the bar henry is a real son-of-a-bitch a real dirty rat bastard he will fuck over anyone he can he used to steel bob’s lunch money when they were little kids henry is trying to sell us on the idea of a vortex my stomach was making sounds like a jet flying at a high altitude the mothers were coming over to look over the books they were going to make sure that I wasn’t pocketing any of the money henry is talking about his

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