Friday, January 20, 2012

page 91

speak them or write them that they own their continued existence to our actions we say something other than what we had intended there is a distortion in the process we worry about the thoughts or feelings of others and we modify what we say the image in the looking glass we are trying to control we want our image of self to be similar to how others see us we are not independent of needs and beliefs we are the victims of our words and the words of others these words hold power over us and judge us they are mighty mighty things we are alienated from the power of our words the little school girl says that the parallel must be broken and right now what is this thing she asks that wants to be put into words we have no words for it I can struggle but I am helpless in my creation helpless to find the right words is this what it means to be human to feel helpless to preserve memory from oblivion and to accomplish revenge this I can see clearly with my own eyes now the words do not escape me it is as if I am propelled  by some demon spirit some unknown thing is pushing me along working through my fingers speaking to my mind I am inspired and the feeling can only be explained as exhilarating to be a vessel to pour forth of this foreign spirit to see the gates of nirvana open up to me establishing the facts of the human past there is no silence for the objected we do not tremble before the tyrant no we are free to stand upon our own feet alone with a blazing sword in our hand we are avenging the people the tragedy has become secularized we have made ourselves heard we have ceased to be victims we have the authority to testify to shake down the pillars of oppression stand tall my friends let us join our voices together and overcome our bondage we are brothers and sisters born of the same spirit of the same breath of the spirit the phrase universe of ideas the idea of nation the idea of the creation of value we call upon the authority of the infinite mind the monad the sun the spirit of the universe that gives all things life and energy and spirit we live in a circle with no center spinning round and round inescapable untraceable it is a pure mark of a descriptive function I was baptized Martin and my parents called me Martin and my friends called me Martin even my enemies called me Martin there is no significance in my name except as a means for identification if you call me George I will not respond I will think you are calling another person and not me the spell check changed person to persona or I typed it wrong I had to go back and change it I am a persona could this be a Freudian slip suggesting that I am a character that I play upon this stage of life that I am only an actor playing his part it is untrue that I travel this world unaltered I am constantly being changed the world changes me constantly I am soft and malleable my experiences shape me I am poured into the mold of life and then left to be cooled to grow hard and then the world shapes me some more it grinds against my rough edges and makes me smooth it polishes me and make me shine resplendent I have stepped off into the deep end I have opened Pandora’s box I have released all the demons inside of me they are out to wander the world I writing about my feelings of the beautiful and sublime names transform into a date here into a place I into you he into her all the indicators of possible reality this suggests a range of possibilities the tiger jumps out of the cage and

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