Friday, January 13, 2012

page 60

rise through the seven worlds until your spirit joins the multitude river of nothing you lose your individual personality and become unified with the whole once again removed from the human condition pain and fear do not exist here you do not exist here there is only the one and you are the one your heart has been eaten by the worms and all of your secrets are gone there is no reason for secrets there is no reason for desire you are complete in the fullness of the one she is following a story it is because of the story the human drama that appeals to her the moon and the sun Tibet and the hopi Indians the underworld we will live someday on the higher worlds being reunited with our soul mates in birth we descend and in death we ascend  we are living in Camelot it is time to take a ride we loved the commitment we loved the attitude interested in the experiment it was classical your fall I sent them in before I graduated but my transcripts got lost in the mail shit I got lost in the mail can we trust our senses she has another program in her mind the many things we can’t worry about I have two of them right there and the other one should be coming in waiting for your numbers to come in they should be in by the end of next week Tonya is on her hands and knees puking up the devil the winter solstice is all over the floor the devil has done his damage soon Horus will arise and hugo will be drinking in the bar buying rounds for everyone he pulls out his dick and pisses on the floor asleep and awake as the music plays was it real or imaginary you can never get away from the reputation that you have spent so long to build all the pictures in the room why did I put them on the wall where did I get them they get fascinated with the pictures trouble finds Tonya wherever she goes her fuck me interactions with the opposite sex she is flat counting the wolves as they eat her sheep hugo binds the snake around his pole the devil is singing in her ear about his penetrating the world as it chokes on his cock tears running down its cheeks her hands are tied behind her back struggling with insanity a dignity that once existed she knew it was all bullshit anyway this world does nothing but fuck you over life feeds on life the devil tells her that this is necessary that the darkness needs its time and place and that everyone has to give him his due she couldn’t remember which was hugo and which was the devil they seemed to blend into one another they talked to each other in a language only they knew she thanked them both for having her she could feel the words catch in her throat it was the mischief she was born for she was born under the influence of Saturn and she had harnessed this sadness into something that one could call a life she left the devil and hugo arguing over the bill still tasting the devil in the back of her throat tonya is tired of living in some else’s shoes living out past lives to pay off the burden of her karma the sins she pays for are her father’s and not her own she wonders if someday she will have a child a son or a daughter who will also have to pay off her karmic debt she tells herself over and over again I am not her I am not my mother I can overcome this burden I can carry my cross confronting her demons real and imaginary she knows that the demons she has created are the worst kind she has inherited this need to torture herself to bring pain upon self for her past wrongs to burn and cut and bang herself against the wall to peer over the edge and consider the fall

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