Monday, January 23, 2012

page 93

Magick Book four now I remember Shem Ham Forash that’s it I don’t care if my words make you mad that is just tough shit I’m just getting out all the things I have kept inside for way too long there are no mysteries now I lay everything bare for your examination do what you want with these words I know I could get happy inside your pants another cry for the wolf the lone wolf chewing on your dead carcass you had no ability to survive this life little red riding hood you are no robin hood your hood is black to cover the rope around your neck you were born with this cord around your neck you have tried to chew it off but it grows back with your every bite we have crossed all the borders into madness this is not a confession this is a diatribe a declaration of independence I am free from the past I am free to make my own future I will not live like I was told to I will not go quietly into the night fuck no I will fight don’t give up on me so many people have given up on me or underestimated me they only showed their stupidity the pages bleed with being and nothingness they bleed with meaning when we recognize that life has no absolute meaning we then can embrace all the possible meanings that life can take and gain the strength to make life into an image that we want to become we are all in the stage of becoming yet while we are becoming we are being (paraphrase of John Lennon) words and worlds that have not yet been formed you are determined by your location within the network of names your network of experiences and the names you give them how you interpret your reality the object of history I realize that I have objectified tonya that I have made her a thing that I have dehumanized her why did I do this was it to destroy her because I could not have her for myself the phenomenologist of perception elaborates the knife Elsa gave you that thing I used to record your voice reality is not a question reality is a path to the future it is a gate that opens up to all possibilities borrowed from the space of logic this is Stalin here he is throwing glitter on the painting he says that it is interesting people laying on a beach and there is Santa Claus he is bringing the beach people presents doing the washing and drying the man with the bag of skulls said it wasn’t finished what does it mean to be Stalin no one cares about the starving she had pop bottle glasses eating the cardboard boxes taking medication he says he can’t go to sleep he says he feels pretty good he is opening a package from California going through the steps and nothing ever gets done a lack of consensus over legitimacy the numerical proof of the massacre hugo says that it is about the appropriation and the parody of past lives past fictions past narratives the little school girl is yelling at us to stop counting the bodies hugo and tonya are systematically counting the dead when they reached 500 they gave up hugo wants to satisfy reason and experience the little school girls says to hell with satisfaction tonya realizes that she may have crossed some line somewhere and decides to stay out of the argument I’m opening a bottle of Shiraz and trying to find some glasses to pour everyone a drink the college students is shouting hey this guy is a ringer he is from the east coast the reduction of the impossible to the possible hugo is trying to pull a fast one he lives his life on the assumption that the world is knowable hugo conceives of the world as a mystery but he believes that the mystery is solvable

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