Tuesday, January 31, 2012

page 117

thunder peal her mother told me to leave her alone that she was married now and had a baby I wonder if she still likes hockey players  my sights are set on 200 tonya’s eyes full of pilgrims she is taking off her costume of unhappiness I am helping her burn it in the fire her dear body was always ready no matter the hour squeaky bed spring her loud moans she is not the dead little girl hiding behind the bushes we buried the devils upright there is always someone who drives us to the saloon to wash down the vagabond blues tonya prays to me I am her saint she calls me saint hugo I am the master of the rainbow in the dark (hail Dio) to be spoken in the silence of the night when tonya is sleeping too many women have hurled themselves out the windows for me to be selfish with my love with each step there is a madness born of my erection my horn of perdition my forehead touching your mountains I have killed the goat and we had a feast tonya played the tambourine and Zelda the castanets while the little school girl played the claves the music we made was wonderful my tongue between their legs humming my own little tune god bless America land that I love she has highs and lows that almost break her I sent tap to fetch miss palm she could play the violin and tap could dance a beautiful dance as long as you kept the noose around his neck once you removed the rope the spirit would leave him tap was a good little boy who said his prayers daily asking for forgiveness of the vile things I made him watch sometimes he would participate with a little coaxing once I had Zelda blindfolded and tied naked to my bed I had her worked up into quite a froth and I commanded tap to go in there and finish her off at first her was frightened I told him to not say a sound and Zelda would not have a clue as to who was fucking her this gave him the courage of a Cossack tap climbed up on top of Zelda and fucked her like a true troubadour tap had found my add in the local music store I had been giving drum lessons and he saw my piece of paper on the music store’s bulletin board and called my number soon her was over every day participating in each and every debauchery and on Sundays he would go to church with his mommy at the foot of a dormant volcano the things we had not yet learned about tap and humanity he taught us that a soul could be damaged beyond repair that the prayers of the faithful could not bring him out of his spiral tap had asked me once if I had sold my soul to the devil jokingly I said no that I sold his to the devil how those words now haunt me to this day for he eventually did lose his soul and I wonder to what extent I am the cause he went on to live this completely different alternative life that I was unaware of at night he would dress as a woman and suck old businessmen to get money to buy drugs he was married and had two sons that this time there was great hatred and a great love that existed together we knew nothing of this until he tried to kill himself tap took a bottle of sleeping pills and drank a six-pack of beer and then started the car in the garage with the door down his wife came in and called the ambulance tap was away in the psych ward for over a month when he got out he confessed to everything he said that he didn’t want to live anymore that life had become unbearable he was addicted to pain pills and was smoking meth he worked extra jobs and started pulling tricks to support his drug habit tonya told that once she

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